The inspiration for Safe Harbour didn't come from a textbook or a lecture hall. It came from a phone call with my 96-year-old mother living in an Assisted Living facility—a call that had gone wrong for the umpteenth time.

She was insisting, as she often did, that her life was terrible because she was "on so many medications." In reality, she was taking one prescription and two supplements. For years, I reacted with facts. I tried to correct her reality. And for years, those calls ended in the same painful place: me feeling hurt by her stubbornness, and her feeling abandoned, convinced that "no one, even her own son, cared about what was really happening to her."

The Paradox of Expertise: This struggle was ironic because I wasn't just a son; I was a trained professional. With a Master’s in Pastoral Care and Counseling, years of experience as a Hospice Chaplain and Bereavement Counselor, and training in a state mental hospital, I knew the clinical reality. I knew the mantra: "All behavior is communicative." I had spent a career professionally joining people in their pain.

But with my own mother, I was stuck. I couldn't see past the "inaccuracy" of her complaints to hear the fear underneath them.

The "Aha!" Moment: The turning point came when I experienced the Virtual Dementia Tour® (VDT)®. Suddenly, the fragmented, overwhelming world my mother lived in became understandable. I realized she wasn't being difficult; she was struggling to process a world that no longer made sense.

I took my own advice. The next time she complained about the medications, I didn't correct her. I said, "Mom, I agree. I am so sorry. I hate it for you. It must be really tough to have to take so many medications after living such a healthy life."

She paused. She said it one more time. And then, miraculously, we moved on.

From Conflict to Connection: That moment was incredibly freeing. By willing to "see" things from her perspective—regardless of factual accuracy—I created a space where she felt heard. Today, instead of arguments, we enjoy lengthy conversations about the weather, her meals, and her life. We finally connect.

The Safe Harbour Mission: I founded Safe Harbour Elder Care to bring that same freedom to professional care providers and families. I realized that if I—with all my advanced degrees and training—could miss the mark with my own mother, then our frontline caregivers need more than just "training." They need an experience that changes their heart.

At Safe Harbour, we combine clinical expertise with the visceral power of the Virtual Dementia Tour to help you stop correcting your residents' reality and start joining them in it. That is where the healing begins.